


Sanctuary

by moonlitfaerie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: And they were soulmates, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mark Lee is a goddamned idiot but hes baby, Multi, no beta we die like men, side Jungwoo/Sicheng, spoiler alert: theyre gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21882004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitfaerie/pseuds/moonlitfaerie
Summary: Mark has always loved Jaehyun more than he should, but he's always kept it to himself. Jaehyun deserves more than he can offer and if that 'more' comes in the shape of Taeyong, then Mark has nothing to worry about right?wrong. there's nothing  like falling in love with your bestfriend and then falling in love with your bestfriends boyfriend while youre at it.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Mark Lee/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

> rip to whoever gets through this, i've yet to revise and edit! thanks for reading

**Valentine baby  
6:57 pm  
** **_Can we go out tonight?_ **

Mark reads the text over and over for a good five minutes. He’s not sure he wants to agree to such an outing, going out later than five-ish/six in the afternoon on a weekend usually means they’re going out to a club. And going to a club really isn’t a good idea. Not for the both of them, see he and Jaehyun always seem to get touchier when drunk, whether it be grinding or making out, sometimes it’s even just groping. Now though, Jaehyun has a whole boyfriend who will no doubt be going out with them. Mark’s never had to deal with that.

 **Mark  
7:02 pm  
** **_What do you have in mind?_ **

He feels like a preteen whose just been asked out on a date by his long-time crush. He’s nervous and on the edge of his seat.

 **Valentine Baby  
7:02 pm** ** _  
Was thinkin’ the club? At 9, 10-ish? We’ll meet at your house_**?

Bad idea, very very bad idea, he thinks. Although, if things get too weird or awful, he can always just slip away.

 **Mark  
7:05 pm** **_  
Okay, see you then._ **

He lays around his apartment for the better half of eight pm, he even manages to swallow down some food. At eight-forty-five he begins getting ready, it’s a bit late to be getting dressed but it doesn’t matter, it’s the club. He dresses himself as best as he can, he deserves to be hit on. It’s good for his self esteem, not to mention, maybe he’ll get lucky enough to vent out his repressed emotions.

By nine-twenty-two, there’s a sharp knock on his door and he’s thankfully all dressed and made-up, just needs to slide his shoes onto his feet and he’s ready to go. He opens the door and looks Jaehyun and Taeyong over, eyes lingering on them a little too long to be friendly and he's sure he's looking at them with exaggerated heart eyes. He plays it off by complimenting their outfits, telling Jaehyun he can’t believe he’s actually wearing that stupid ring Mark got him years ago as a last-minute souvenir.

Jaehyun steps forward, standing at the doorway of Marks apartment and pokes at Marks side. “Don’t tell me you threw it away?” He shakes his head no, there’s no way in hell he’d throw it away. He’d been through hell trying to find a matching set of rings for them, then he’d been too shy to give it to Jaehyun, instead decided to leave it in his locker. They didn’t talk about it either, anytime Jaehyun brought it up, Mark would find any excuse to avoid that conversation completely, until Jae stopped trying. Eventually Mark showed Jaehyun his matching ring, they made out behind the school that day, Jaehyun murmuring that he loved Mark more than anyone on the entire earth.

His eyes trail over Taeyong’s body once more and he finds the shirt he’s wearing suits his eyes and his red hair. He tells Taeyong this, internally squealing when Taeyong blushes and thanks him with an awkward smile. His heart swells with pride at the reaction he gets from the elder and he can't help but want to compliment him more often. Mark misses the fond smile Jaehyun shoots them.

Once in the club, Mark ditches his friends and makes a beeline for the bar, if he’s going to spend the night with them while they’re drunk, he’s going to need a couple of drinks in his system. He’s downed three shots of Bacardi and decides to go find them, with three bottles of soju in his hands. They’re sitting in a booth that’s pushed towards the back of the bar, the music isn’t as loud back here, there aren’t people standing around it either. It’s sort of secluded but you can still see the dance floor from it. He tries not to think of why they’d want something so secluded and places the three bottles on the table. Pushing them in their direction, he knocks his back and stands back up, “I’m going to dance, you guys coming?” Both of them shake their heads, “We’ll meet you out there in a bit.” Shrugging he takes another sip of his soju and makes his way to the dance floor.

On the dance floor, it takes a moment but then there’s someone leaning down, he turns his head slightly and recognizes the man as Lucas. An ex of his, he looks Mark over cautiously and then he’s gripping Marks hips tightly. “Oh, you dance?” Mark asks, hand hooked around Lucas’s neck, pulling him so he’s leaning into Mark. Mark’s got a cheeky grin on his face, in all their months of dating, Lucas always claimed he didn’t know how to dance.

“I don’t but I’m ready to learn if you’re willing to teach.” Lucas takes a moment to respond, large hands holding him in place. Mark nods his head, a small, flirty grin gracing his boyish features and he tilts his head to the side, resting his head against Lucas’ chest as they move their hips in sync.

“Can I kiss you?” Lucas asks suddenly, turning Marks head to the side. Mark takes a few seconds to reply, eyes focused on Lucas’ lips, the lips that spent months pressed against his. He nods and Lucas leans down.

Jaehyun and Taeyong watch Mark on the dance floor, his face is flushed a pretty pink, from the heat of the room or maybe the drinks hes had have a bit of an effect on him too. He’s grinding on someone who looks vaguely familiar to Jaehyun, but he can’t place from where. His head is resting on his dance partners chest, which is way to intimate for a random dance, his eyes shut, hips swaying to the beat. His dance partner flashes Mark a smile and leans into his ear, Mark nods his head and he begins to lean in. Jaehyun is up and out of that booth, and just as their lips are about to meet, Jaehyun yanks Mark away. He pushes a few people around them away in the process but Jaehyun doesn’t care. He turns to Mark’s dance partner and snorts as he realizes who it is, one of Mark’s ex-boyfriends. He steadies Mark as he stumbles trying to regain his balance, Mark looks up at him with a glare, no doubt ready to tell him off. He stops when he realizes its Jaehyun, “What?” He asks, voice higher than normal.

Jaehyun says nothing, pulls him close and connects their lips.

This isn’t like any other kiss they’ve shared, no, this kiss is heavy, possessive, jealous and rough. Mark gasps into the kiss but otherwise lets Jaehyun do as he pleases. Jaehyun pulls away from Mark and leans down to suck a hickey into Marks neck, smirking as Mark moans. When he looks back up, Lucas is gone. Jaehyun looks down at Mark, admiring how dazed he looks, then he’s shoving through bodies of people, tugging Mark back to their booth, ignoring Mark’s whining.

Mark tries to pull his hand out of Jaehyun’s grip, he’s walking far too fast for Mark’s liking and hes having trouble keeping up. Jaehyun tightens his grip on Mark and Mark winces. He’s never been manhandled by Jaehyun before.

Once they reach the table, Taeyong’s face is set in a frown, Mark traces his thumb over his bottom lip. Jaehyun and his kiss no doubt upset him, he clears his throat ready to apologize. In less than a minute, Taeyong pulls him into their booth and onto his lap. Mark is so thankful for this booth.

“I want to kiss you, Mark. Can I kiss you?” Taeyong whispers, nosing at Marks jawline. Mark has no choice to nod because holy fuck, it is more than okay. Mark has only fantasized about being sandwiched between these two beautiful ass men for ages. He’s imagined what it’s like to be pressed between them, to have them calling him theirs as both of their lips travel across his body.

Taeyong grabs the back of his head and dips in, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. His kiss is also possessive and rough. Mark feels his skin prickle with heat, the flame being ignited as Jaehyun, his Jaehyun, pets his head and murmurs praises at him.

“We need to get out of here.” Jaehyun whines, images of Lucas pressed against Mark, the way they ground their hips together, how he leaned down to kiss him clear in his head. It takes him back to Marks freshman year in uni when he dated Lucas, he doesn’t like it. Not one bit. Mark is his. His and Taeyong’s.

“No, wanna stay.” Mark cries out as Taeyong bites his neck, eyes shut, head thrown back, leaving his neck exposed for Taeyong. Humming, Taeyong pulls back, eyes glazed over with something dark, then he’s nodding. Mark whimpers trying to guide Taeyong’s lips back to his neck, Taeyong shakes his head no and removes Marks arms from around his neck.

“This isn’t the place to make you ours, baby. We’ll just try again next time.” Mark opens his eyes and huffs in annoyance, crawling off his lap and out of the booth. Jaehyun and Taeyong watch him, wondering if he’s decided he doesn’t want this, then he’s tapping his foot impatiently. “Well. Are we going or not? Or should I just go find Lucas?” Wrong thing to say apparently, Jaehyun is standing up and pulling Mark close. Stroking the hair at the nape of his neck and leaning in to whisper, “If you want this, want us, there is no one else.” Mark shivers, he wants this. Goddess does he want this, want them, so bad. So bad it hurts. He nods mutely, looking up at Jaehyun with apologetic eyes.

“Good boy.” Jaehyun murmurs, pressing a short but sweet kiss to Marks lips, grinning as the younger whines for more.

Pushing Jaehyun and Mark into the cab is easy as Mark clings to Jaehyun, pressing kisses to any exposed skin he can find. Taeyong watches, Mark turns to him and presses a long kiss to Taeyong’s neck. When he pulls away, he can see Mark looking at Jaehyun like he’s his whole world and in a sense, he is. From what Jaehyun’s told him, they’re the only relationship they’ve managed to maintain since before high school. He not insecure nor is he threatened by their relationship, if his gut is right and the looks Mark occasionally send him are anything to go by, Mark likes him too. No matter how hard he tries to act like he hates him.

Falling in love with Mark was easy to do, you watch and feel someone’s love for someone else, eventually, you develop these feelings of your own. He learned early on in his and Jaehyun’s relationship, that without Mark there was no Jaehyun. Where Jaehyun is the sun, lighting up the sky and watching the flowers bloom, Mark is the moon, helping light up the night skies and helping the night stars shine, he gives you hope for a new day. The moon shines because its surface reflects light from the sun and that’s what Jaehyun does for mark. Jaehyun helps Mark shine. Brings out the best in him and Taeyong.

Taeyong likes to think, he’s the sky, he’s there to help showcase both the sun and moon.

Their cab pulls up to Taeyong and Jaehyun’s apartment, Taeyong pushes the door open and he pulls Jaehyun and Mark out, coy smile gracing his face as Mark clings to him. Jaehyun goes to unlock the door as Taeyong pays their cab driver.

“C’mon baby.” Taeyong murmurs, tugging Mark up the stairs. He grunts when Mark pinches his butt. 

He smiles at Jaehyun who is sitting on their bed, with his arms open for them. Mark skips ahead and falls into his arms, with a contented sigh.

They’re sitting on Jaehyun and Taeyong’s bed, in their apartment. Mark is perched on Jaehyun’s lap, face tucked into his neck as he litters kisses and hickeys on the pale skin, his legs are splayed across Taeyong’s own legs. They’re taking turns kissing and marking each other – Mark stops his ministrations on Jaehyun’s neck to watch as Jaehyun and Taeyong kiss, it’s sloppy and uncoordinated. There are teeth clashing against teeth and heavy, sexually charged groaning and panting but it’s the most beautiful thing Mark has ever had the luck of seeing or hearing.

Taeyong pulls away from Jaehyun, lips shiny with saliva. He swipes his tongue across his lower lip and connects his eyes with Marks, then he’s lurching forward to press his lips to Mark’s-harshly. It’s nothing Marks used to. This, this kiss is full of want and need, these are feelings that demand an answer. An answer Marks not sure he has.

He lets Taeyong dominate the kiss, loving the way they both have their hands on him. He appreciates the way Jaehyun is tracing circles into his hips, the way Taeyong has his face cupped in between both his hands. They’re holding him like he’s something dear to them, like theyre afraid to lose him. Pulling away from the kiss, he angles his body so he can tip his forehead to Jaehyun’s, tugging his best friend as close as humanly possible, then with his unoccupied hand he’s pulling Taeyong towards them, so all of their heads are touching, and he bathes in the feeling of belonging. They stay like that for a moment, then they start tugging each other’s clothes off kissing up and down each other’s bodies, marking anywhere their lips can reach-then, they’re pulling him close, tucking him into their sides.

“Why won’t you let us have you?” Jaehyun whisper-asks, clutching Mark closer to him, Taeyong hums from beside him, then Jaehyun is shutting his eyes and falling to sleep. Taeyong kisses his head and murmurs a goodnight.

Mark lays there for what seems like forever. Jaehyun and Taeyong’s snore would lull him to sleep if it weren’t for Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s words are all it takes for Mark to snap out of whatever this, drug and alcohol induced haze, is. It’s wrong and unfair. Jaehyun and Taeyong are in love with each other, they don’t get to play with Mark like this. He slides out of Taeyong and Jaehyun’s clutches, when Taeyong opens his eyes to look at him, he wordlessly points in the direction of the restroom, Taeyong nods with a small sleepy smile and tells him to hurry back. He waits until he’s sure Taeyong is asleep again and he pulls clothes on hastily. His head is pounding as he stumbles his way out of the bedroom, but so is his heart. He’s so nervous for what this night will bring for him, he’s also feeling betrayed.

He rushes out of the apartment, down the steps, into the night and away from the two men he loves.

**_Grade Six; Year One Middle School –_ **

_Mark stands at the front of the class, eyeing the students who are curiously eyeing him back. His face is set in a frown and he’s fiddling with his fingers nervously. All eyes shift away from him, he feels a tap on his shoulder, and he turns to the person on the other end of the finger._

_There stands a boy, not much taller but definitely paler. He’s smiling warmly and he nods his head to the back of class. An invitation to sit. Mark nods his head and shuffles forward. He sits on the right, and the other boy sits on the left._

_“I’m Jaehyun, grade seven.” He introduces, leaning over and into Mark’s bubble._

_“I’m Mark, grade six.” He replies, whispering. Jaehyun quirks a brow and leans closer before falling back and stating, “You’re not from here.” Mark’s eyes get wider, he blushes a furious red and he looks down at his hands, “Is it my Korean?” Jaehyun shakes his head immediately and throws an arm around Mark’s small shoulders. “No, it’s just, we’re a small community and everyone knows everyone. I’ll stay by your side.” He promises and Mark’s face fills with relief and he nods. Ignoring the way his face flushes because of Jaehyun’s arm around him._

_“We’re going to be best friends,” Jaehyun comments passingly, as they walk home, together. Because true to his word, he stuck to Mark’s side all day, he walked Mark to his classes, and he waited for him at the end of every hall after each class. Mark’s heart flutters at Jaehyun’s statement, his never really had a best friend. He’s had friends but no one that he can confidently say is his best friend._

_-_

_Heading into Art class, Mark smiles at the few people already seated and waits for Jaehyun to arrive. He pulls out his project and admires his hard work, he sacrificed a lot of time with Jaehyun to complete this project, so he hopes he aces this assignment with flying colors._

_Jaehyun enters the art room, eyes immediately darting around the room to find Mark, which by this point is useless as he and Mark sit in the same seat every day. He darts to the back of the room excitedly, he drops his bag onto the desk and Mark watches. He quirks a brow as Jaehyun holds a finger up and tries to catch his breath, chest heaving up and down rapidly._

_“My parents said you could spend the weekend at our house if your parents are okay with it.” He gasps, breathing still labored._

_“I’ll ask my parents tonight.” Mark decides, after a moment of thought. They’d discussed spending the night at each other’s but had never actually asked their parents nor had they decided what days they could, but this seems to be a good time._

_Jaehyun nods his head and slouches against the desk, head pressed to the wood. Mark rubs his back and asks, “Did you finish your project?” Jaehyun turns to him with a smirk, “I finished a few days after it was assigned,” Mark gapes at him, shocked._

_Jaehyun shrugs and shifts his body so Marks hand slides down, getting the hint, Mark begins to move his hand up and down Jaehyun’s back._

_At home, Mark twirls his noodles on his fork, unsure of how to ask his parents to let him spend the night at Jaehyun’s house. His parents aren’t strict, not really, but he doesn’t know if they’ll allow him to spend the night at a friend’s (they’ve only been friends for about a month and a half, two at most) house. He’s never been close enough to anyone to want to stay at their house so he’s quite nervous._

_“Can I spend the night at Jaehyun’s this weekend?” The chatter at the table stops and everyone’s looking at him. He flushes under their gazes._

_“Will his parents be home?” His dad asks, voice even._

_“Yeah,” His dad nods his head and looks over at his mother, who nods her head as well._

_“You can go.” A smile makes its way onto his face and he thanks his parents profusely, ignoring his elder brothers comment about needing Jaehyun’s address and his parents phone number._

_He packs an overnight bag, or well, he tries to. He packs pajamas, clothes for the following day, his toothbrush, some slippers for inside, a small travel sized lotion and his deodorant. He feels like he’s under packed, but his brother assures him that he’s packed enough so with a shrug of his shoulders he zips his black sports bag up and tosses it onto the foot of his bed, waiting for his friend to text him. His elder brother walks him to Jaehyun’s, making him promise that if at any time he feels any discomfort he will call, no matter the time. Mark promises and watches as his brother turns and he knocks on Jaehyun’s front door. A tall man with the same dimpled smile Jaehyun has opens the door, with a friendly smile._

_“You must be Mark, I’m Kangmin, Jaehyun’s dad, come in!” He opens the door and steps aside for Mark to come in._

_“Yoonoh, Mark is here!” He shouts, there’s a small thud and then footsteps can be heard coming down the stairs._

_Then: They alternate, Mark spends one weekend at Jaehyun’s and the next weekend Jaehyun spends it at his. Jaehyun’s house is nice, Mark notes, he’s an only child so his house is always quiet. Jaehyun’s parents also let them do what they want (as long as it’s reasonable); they also don’t have an elder sibling breathing down their necks._

The following nights, he can’t sleep. He wonders, if Jaehyun and Taeyong were honest in their pursuit of him. Do they really want him in the way that he wants them?

“Do you wanna grab lunch?” Sicheng asks, as he sits on the edge of Mark’s desk.

“Is Jungwoo going?” Sicheng shakes his head, “No, but if you want him to, I can call him.” Mark shrugs, “It doesn’t matter, just wondering if I’m going to be a third wheel again.” Sicheng sticks his tongue out at him and Mark snorts at the childish action.

“For that, lunch is on you.” Mark rolls his eyes but nods. He can do that.

The glory of owning your own library is that, you can take lunch whenever you please.

Sicheng swings by at two p.m. though the time is a bit late, Mark is happy to spend time with someone other than himself. They head to a simple, hole in the wall restaurant. Sicheng stares at him weirdly as they wait for a waiter or waitress to come take their order. They order their drinks and the waiter tells them he’ll give them more time to look over the menu and they nod, thankful.

“What’s going on with you?” Sicheng asks, hand reaching out to stroke at Marks own hand. Mark sighs at the affectionate gesture, he’s been so touch deprived these last few days. He waits, waits until their waiter brings their drinks and then takes their orders and he tells him of the weekend. The same weekend where he was able to kiss Taeyong and Jaehyun, where he almost kissed Lucas, how they took him home and how Jaehyun asked him “Why won’t you let us have you?” Sicheng listens intently, saving all his questions for when he’s sure Mark is done talking.

“Have you asked them if they were serious about you and them? Or if it was just a one-time thing?” Mark shakes his head, he’s been preoccupied with his feelings that he hasn’t sought either of them out, they’ve let him have his space too.

“I think, before you assume anything whether it be positive or negative, you need to talk to them first. See what that night meant to them. You might be surprised.” Mark nods and asks Sicheng how Eun-Yeong and Ha-Yun, the twins he and Jungwoo have been approved to adopt are. If they’re shy or not, what their favorite colors are and a large, beautiful smile graces Sicheng’s face. Mark sort of wishes he had fallen in love with Sicheng and Jungwoo because they are unattainable, he’s never kissed or fucked either of them, there was never anything between them that Mark could’ve used as a means for his fantasies.

“Ha-Yun’s favorite color is gray! She’s far more outgoing than Eun-Yeong, she’s protective of her too. She’s such a sweetheart, Mark. I already love them so much, we’ll be able to bring them home soon!” Mark nods and he pictures Jungwoo and Sicheng with two kids, the imagery makes his heart swell with happiness and he strokes Sicheng’s hand back.

“I’m so happy for you, Sicheng. I’m so happy you and Jungwoo finally get to start on your family. I can’t wait to meet them!”

They spend the rest of lunch talking about the Dong-Kim family.

-

**_Grade Eight; Year Three Middle School_ **

_Mark is certain he’s not straight. He’s not completely gay either, he knows he finds both males and females attractive but hes not sure what to label himself. If you like both boys and girls but your preference is boys, are you still bisexual?_

_These are questions he has that he has no one to ask about. He doesn’t want to ask Jaehyun. This is something he wants to figure out by himself._

_X_

_“I’m going to miss you so much!” Mark complains, throwing himself into Jaehyun’s arms._

_“It’ll be different, I’ll admit but it’s only a school year, then we’ll be back to normal. I’ll still walk you to school if it’ll make you feel better.” Jaehyun offers, wrapping an arm around Mark._

_Mark’s tummy flutters, he nods, leaning his head on Jae’s shoulder._

_“Oh, goddess, Jae, I won’t have any friends!” He cries in anguish._

_“Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?” Jaehyun frowns, pinching at Mark’s side. Yelping, Mark smacks Jaehyun’s hand away._

_“Oh yeah, what am supposed to say if I’m sitting alone in the cafeteria and someone asks if I’m waiting for someone? ‘Ah no, my friend doesn’t go here!’ I’m going to sound like a loser.” Jaehyun snorts and shoves Mark off of him, “You’re already a loser, Min baby.” Mark swats at Jaehyun from the floor and hisses like an upset kitty._

_They spend the rest of that evening laying on Jae’s bed, watching some animated movie. Mark reaches over to hold Jaehyun’s hand. Chest fluttering when Jaehyun squeezes his hand in return._

_At the end of the week, on Friday as Mark waits impatiently for Jaehyun to come over, he realizes he’s in love with his best friend._

_-_

_Mark makes friends, Jaehyun is happy for him but repeatedly threatens him. Says he will beat Marks ass if he gives someone else the ‘best friend’ title and Mark knows he’s joking but he promises no one else is capable of taking his position._

_Mark seeks his brother out to deal with his crush and his sexuality crisis._

_His brother, Leetuk, tells him sexuality is fluid. That he doesn’t have to pick a label. He may change his mind when he’s older. He also tells him, that sometimes you develop crushes on those you spend the most time around and that if those crushes don’t go away maybe you’re in love with them._

_-_

_By the end of his eighth-grade year, Mark knows for certainty that he’s in love with Jaehyun. He loves the way his eyes sparkle when he’s telling Mark something that’s happened. He loves the way Jaehyun leans into him wherever they are, whether theyre at the library because they both have assignments due, or when theyre at a restaurant in line and Jaehyun rests his chin on Marks shoulder whispering his order in his ear. He loves the way Jaehyun pulls them into the animal shelter on one of their weekly ‘dates’ as his brother calls them and makes them play with the puppies and then the kittens, the way his eyes light up when one of the kittens boops his nose with his head._

_Mark loves Jaehyun. He knows that._

Mark thinks about his eighth-grade realization a lot. He wonders what would have happened if he would’ve confessed to Jaehyun. He wonders if they would’ve made it through as a couple going to different universities.

He’s no different now than he was in eight-grade, he still loves Jaehyun. Loves Jaehyun with all his being, Jaehyun is the only constant in his life.

He thinks about how Jaehyun is the only person he’s thought about forever with and decides that, he doesn’t want to think about that stupid kiss or that night, he just wants to see Jaehyun. Wants Jaehyun to tell him that everything is going to be okay.

Contrary to his earlier thoughts, Mark doesn’t reach out to Jaehyun or Taeyong. He can’t. He doesn’t know why but he can’t muster the courage to message either of them. So, Mark is sitting on his couch, staring at a blacked out t.v. screen because Wednesday evenings are usually reserved for Jaehyun and Taeyong but because he’s giving himself space, hes at home instead. Looking at a blank t.v. screen, wondering when and how his life got so fucked up.

Even though he’s not sure what he’s doing with his life, he decides he’s not going to hide away in his apartment until things get better. No, he’s going to go out and watch that new movies he’s wanted to watch, he was supposed to go watch it with Taeyong and Jaehyun but that’s fucked out of the window so he may as well go out by himself. At least like this, he doesn’t have to pretend he doesn’t see Jaehyun and Taeyong not so subtly groping each other in the dark of the theater through the corner of his eye.

He layers his clothing as it’s nearing winter and it get chilly as the night nears.

The theater is empty as expected, it is a Wednesday night and people have to work or go to school tomorrow. Mark does too, but those are the perks of working and owning a library. There’re rarely people coming in during the morning hours so he can always sneak to the back to take a nap. He’s thankful for the lack of people in the theater, the movie he chose is quite sad so he can cry about his own mishaps and the failure of his friendships and pretend he’s crying over the movie.

He heads to a diner after his movie, his nose is red and so are his eyes, he knows theyre puffy too, but he can’t be assed to care. He just cried his eyes out in the middle of a movie theater alone, because he’s in love with his best friend and his best friends’ boyfriend and he may have fucked everything up in a moment of weakness.

Sitting in an empty booth, he lets his head rest against the cool glass as he looks over the menu. Aa pretty waitress walks over to his table, her eyes immediately soften at the sight of him.

“Anything I can start you off with?” She asks, hip cocked out to the side, pen and notepad ready to jot down whatever he asks for.

“Can I get a water and a hot chocolate please?” She jots his drinks down and looks at him as if contemplating something, then, “Do you like marshmallows in your hot chocolate?” He nods, he loves them, they’re gooey and delicious mixed with cocoa. She nods with a smile and motions down to the menu, “You ready to order or do you need a minute?”

He looks over the menu and looks up at her, “I’ll need another minute please.” She excuses herself and he watches her go, the best thing on the menu seems to be French toast with bacon and eggs. He decides he’ll go with that. As he watches the waitress, he can tell she loves what she does, the smiles she wears lights up her face and everyone in her area seems to be pleased with her work.

She makes her way back to his table with a tray in her arms, she steadies the tray on her hip and sets down a mug and clear glass cup and then she places a cup of orange juice. He looks at her questioningly and she smiles, “You seem to be having a rough night, so I’ve given you a little bit of extra marshmallows because who doesn’t love extra marshmallows.” She winks then scoots the orange juice closer to him, “You remind me of my boy, when he’s had a good cry, he likes to drink a nice tall glass of orange juice. Figured it won’t do any harm,” He gapes at the kind gesture.

“Thank you- “He looks at her name tag, “Grace.” She waves it off and brings her pen and notepad out, “You already to order?” He nods and points at the picture of the French toast, “Can I get the French toast with eggs and bacon?” She nods, pens down his order, and tells him it’ll be a moment.

In the end, he loves this place too much to never go back, he thinks that maybe once he’s got himself sorted out, he’d like to bring Taeyong and Jaehyun here too. He likes Grace too. She’s a kind woman who his mother would definitely befriend if given the chance. He leaves a generous tip because, he wants to put a smile on her face the way she did him. She distracted him enough to make him momentarily forget his Taeyong-Jaehyun issue.

Coming home, he sighs as he enters his empty apartment. He needs to make more friends, or maybe get a roommate.

As he’s setting his belongings in their places, he receives a text.

 **Thief  
3:33 pm** **_  
Mark, did we do something to upset you?_ **

He wants to ignore them, wants to leave his message unopened, pretend he didn’t even get it, but he knows he’s already hurting them. Do they not remember that night? Did they forget the way they kissed him and marked his neck? His body? Was that all just a drunken thing? His heart hurts but he can’t help being upset with himself, for letting them kiss him the way they did. For believing that they were marking him as theirs.

 **Mark  
3:33 pm** **_  
No, I just need some time and space._ **

He can feel Taeyong’s disappointment through text. He can just imagine how disappointed he must look. Sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around Jaehyun as they text him together. As a unit. That thought sours his already shitty mood and he doesn’t want to text anymore, especially not them.

 **Thief  
3:34 pm** **_  
If we’ve done something, you’ll let us know, yeah?_ **

Mark sighs because even when he wants to be an ass, Taeyong finds a way to make him feel guilty. He perseveres, he’s not only doing this for himself, it’s for them too.

 **Thief  
3:34 pm** **_  
Can you let Jae know you’re not mad at him? He seems to think we’ve upset you somehow._ **

_You’ve both unwittingly upset me._ He thinks, reading the message over and over.

 **Mark  
3:36 pm** **_  
I’m not mad at you guys_ **

**Mark  
3:36 pm** **_  
we just, we spend too much time together.  
_ ** **Mark  
3:37 pn** **_  
I need a break._ **

He doesn’t read what Taeyong replies, doesn’t even know if he’s replied but he can’t be bothered to check. He worries too much about others and not enough about himself. He makes himself a hot chocolate, looks for a book that he has yet to read and runs himself a bath, he needs it. As he soaks in his warm bath, he reads a book called ‘Lacy Eye’. He’s far too distracted to really know what’s going on but he gets the gist of it.

Halfway through his book, he thinks back to his freshman year of high school, he thinks of the first time he kissed someone and how that someone was Jung Jaehyun.

**_High School Year One, Freshman Year; Grade Nine_ **

_Jaehyun has been invited to yet another high school party, by a senior Mark has deemed cute, with a face as pale as Jaehyun’s, deep dimples (Mark thinks he could sit in them), and a best friend who stares at him like he hung the stars in the sky. So, as Jaehyun’s best friend Mark has to go, even if he hates the smell and taste of alcohol and the way people look at him. All the junior and senior girls (sometimes boys) coo and gush over Jaehyun. Mark isn’t jealous, he understands because he coos and gushes over Jaehyun too, only he gets to do it to the boy himself._

_He understands why Jaehyun is treated the way he’s treated, it’s a part of the overwhelmingly good looks and the even better personality._

_What he doesn’t understand is why Jaehyun still hangs around the shy freshman kid who speaks in perfect English when he’s nervous. Jaehyun says its cause of that promise he made in sixth grade, but Mark has a feeling its more than that, not that he’ll ever say that out loud. Still, as much as he hates feeling like Jaehyun’s little brother that he has to drag around in order to go out, he’s thankful his best friend hasn’t forgotten him with his newfound popularity._

_Back to the party, Mark has never been jealous of anyone that has ever gushed or fangirled over Jaehyun, in fact, he feels a sense of pride at having such a ridiculously gorgeous best friend; so, he doesn’t understand why his gut is churning as he stands beside Jaehyun, ears thrumming to the beat, vaguely watching a junior with long, dark brown hair, and freckles that decorate her perfectly shaped face, flirt with him. She gushes over his dimples, how his eyes disappear whenever he smiles, how tall and handsome he is and how loyal of a friend he is for taking the freshman kid everywhere with him. He’s never gotten it before and he doesn’t like it, doesn’t like the feeling and how he wants to roll his eyes whenever she opens her mouth._

_Looking down at his cup, he’s thankful it’s empty. He can slip away from Jaehyun with the excuse that he needed to refill his cup, however, he finds he doesn’t need an excuse when he turns to Jaehyun. He and the junior are locking lips. Taking a deep breath, he turns on his heels and squeezes himself between the bodies littering the house walls, he makes his way to the kitchen that’s been turned into a makeshift bar. Placing his cup down, he frowns as he looks at the drinks, he fails to recognize any of the drinks presented to him._

_“First time drinking?” A deep voice asks, looking up he meets the eyes of a good-looking boy? man? He’s not too tall nor is he short. He’s just above Mark, he is no doubt a senior. He nods his head and said man holds his hand out to his cup. He hands it over and the man smiles, “Do you want something strong? something with good flavor? Or maybe both” Mark shrugs because, well, he doesn’t really know, he just needed an excuse to get away from Jaehyun and the pretty junior girl._

_The man then turns to the bar while humming, he grabs a white bottle and pours it into his cup. Mark watches. His parents have made him watch one too many videos about people whose drinks had gotten spiked and what may happen, so he’d rather not take his chances._

_The man hands his cup back, “Thanks- “he starts but stops, he doesn’t know his name. “Ah, my name is Daniel.” He nods and clears his throat, “Thanks Daniel.” He smiles, the man – Daniel – nods and shoots his smile his way, “Wanna come sit outside?” Seeing no issue in the invitation as Daniel has been nothing but nice thus far, he follows him out._

_They end up in the backyard, drinks forgotten. Sitting on the edge of the pool, feet soaking in the water in nothing but their jeans. Daniel had taken his sweater and shirt off and Mark had followed suit not wanting to seem lame. “So, what grade are you?”_

_Looking up, Mark blushes, this question and the answer that follows usually make people run for the hills. He can only imagine how Daniel will react when he realizes he’s drinking alcohol at a party with a shirtless 14-15-year-old. “I’m a freshman,” he admits sheepishly, ready for the uproar of “how could you not tell me how young you are?” or the, “oh shit, I gotta go” line he gets at every party Jaehyun’s dragged him to._

_“Ah, that’s cool. I’m a junior!” Mark grins, pleasantly surprised and bumps his shoulder, or he tries to at least, against Daniels. “You’re the first person who doesn’t freak out over my grade and the implied age that comes with it.” Daniel snorts, and nods his head in understanding, “That’s understandable, I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable.” Mark shakes his head no._

_They sit in silence and then Mark leans down, collects some water in his palms and he flicks it up at Daniel, chuckling when the elder gasps dramatically. “Oh, it’s on!” Daniel remarks, cupping a hand full of water and launching it at Mark, who cries out and tries to one up him, only to fall into the pool. He cries as his body is engulfed in cool water, he can distantly hear Daniel curse as he dives into the water. He tugs Mark into his embrace and pulls him back to the edge._

_“I wasn’t drowning, I was just shocked at how cold the water is!” Mark cries in indignation._

_“Oh yeah, ‘cause I believe that,” Retorts Daniel, lifting Mark onto the ledge. Rolling his eyes, Mark holds his hand out to Daniel, only for the latter to roll his eyes, playfully smacking Marks hand away and pulling himself up. They sit on the ledge again and Mark bursts into laughter at his idiocy._

_“I’m sorry I got us wet.” Daniel shrugs and turns to Mark with a soft smile, “Don’t be, it’s the most fun ive had at this party tonight.” Mark nods and they sit there, looking at one another, Mark looks down at Daniels lips and they both lean forward. Daniels hand comes up to cup the back of Mark’s neck and – “Mark?” A voice that he would recognize from beyond the grave shouts._

_He turns to the door and there stands Jaehyun, eyes squinted, searching for Mark. Mark sighs and scrambles up to his feet, Daniel follows behind him, keeping a hand at the base of his back. They grab their shirts and sweaters from the lawn chair, tugging them on. Mark shoots Daniel an apologetic smile, Daniel turns to him with his phone held out. “Can I get your phone number? Or your Instagram handle?” Mark nods and takes the pristine yellow iPhone that is in impeccable condition. He enters his phone digits and then sets his name, clicking the “create contact” button, he then pushes the phone back into Daniels fingers. “If you want my Instagram handle you can find it by searching my phone number.” He kisses Daniels cheek and scurries off to Jaehyun who is scowling at them and the evident blush on Marks cheeks._

_“What was that about?” Jaehyun asks as they make their way around the property and back to Jaehyun’s house, neither of them is drunk, he doubts either of them are even tipsy but still they’re walking in the freshness of the night. Marks pants are still dripping wet but not as uncomfortable as one would have thought, hes not cold, the weather is just warm enough that he can be soaking wet and his jaw not chattering. Mark doesn’t answer, not until theyre bathed, in their pajamas, in the warmth and comfort of Jaehyun’s bed. Sides pressed together, fingers interlaced under the covers._

_“That was Daniel, a junior and I was about lose my first kiss,” Mark sighs, he really wishes he had been able to kiss Daniels lips. They looked so soft._

_“I thought you’d already kissed someone.” Jaehyun says after a moment._

_“Yeah, because after I leave your house or you leave mine, I run off to meet my secret boyfriend and we make out.” Mark bites back sarcastically, still pretty upset hes still a kiss virgin (hes just one big ass virgin if hes being honest but whatever) he shuts his eyes and pulls his hand away from Jaehyun. Jaehyun sighs and connects their hands again, “Mark.” Mark takes a deep breath that comes out shakier than he’d like but he otherwise still keeps his eyes shut._

_Jaehyun turns so now he’s lying on his side, eyes focused on him as best as they can be in the darkness of the room. “Mark please look at me.” Mark opens his eyes and turns so he too is lying on his side, they make eye contact and Jaehyun caresses his face, thumb tracing over his cheekbones then falling so he can run it across his bottom lip._

_“Can I kiss you Mark?” Mark nods because despite being upset about not being able to kiss Daniel the junior, he’s always wanted to kiss Jaehyun. Jaehyun pulls him close, Marks senses go into overdrive, he can see the outline of Jaehyun’s face, he can hear the rustling of the covers as he’s pulled close. Mark can smell the mint of Jaehyun’s toothpaste, theyre so close he can practically taste it. He licks his lips and Jaehyun does the same, as he exhales, breath shaky, Jaehyun leans forward and presses their lips together._

_There are no sparks, no fireworks behind his eyes, his body doesn’t tingle, he doesn’t feel like he’s kissed his forever, but he feels happy. Feels content._

_Jaehyun’s lips are warm and soft, much like him. His lips taste of cherry chapstick and his tongue tastes of mint, it’s a weird combination but it’s so Jaehyun – Mark can’t help but love it the same way he loves the boy with the deep dimples and sweet personality._

_He’s not sure what hes doing, but Jaehyun is doing so well setting the pace and leading the kiss, he shows Mark what to do without having to explicitly say it. He deepens the kiss and Mark gasps, he’s feeling lightheaded and he can hear his heart pounding. They pull away and Jaehyun leans his forehead against Marks, panting and his eyes are shut._

_“How was that for a first kiss?” Mark scoffs dismissively because if he praises the idiot, Jaehyun will get an even bigger head about his kissing. Bragging about all the people he’s kissed even if his count is at six (including that one girl he kissed in grade two for her chocolate chip cookie and that one boy he pop kissed as a dare at summer camp the summer between grades six and seven)._

After that, they spent a lot of time kissing. It was a normal occurrence, for them anyway.

He later figured out why he got that gut-wrenching feeling whenever he had to witness Jaehyun with someone else. He didn’t like Jaehyun kissing other people, he was a bit dumb about it at first.

**_High School Year Three, Junior Year; Grade Eleven_ **

_Sighing, Mark rests his chin on his palm as he listens to another one of Yeri’s sexscapades. While he is always ready to hear about another one of her conquests, he’s tired of never having any stories of his own to tell. Now, that’s not saying he wants to sleep around, (not that there’s anything wrong with it; your body, your choice) he just he wants to be in the know. He wants to see if losing his virginity is what everyone makes it out to be, see if its everything people say it is._

_He listens intently, though a little glumly. Yeri’s stories are always exciting to listen to, she does things he would never think of doing, like doing **it** in a car at the park at night, which isn’t too exciting or wild in itself but for Mark, it seems unreachable. He’s yet to find someone he’s comfortable enough with to lose it, he’s never had a real boyfriend or girlfriend yet either. Most of his relationships have been flings that don’t make it past two months. He thinks maybe it’s his relationship with Jaehyun that makes his potential significant others uncomfortable but, its not something he’s willing to change._

_Jaehyun has been his person since sixth grade. They’re each other’s comfort, sure, they seek comfort in each other albeit in rather compromising ways. Like, when both of them aren’t seeing anyone, they make out, it’s a regular thing ever since Jaehyun stole his first kiss. It’s not weird, its comfortable, familiar. The way they know what the other likes, like Jaehyun for example likes when his bottom lip is sucked on, it’s familiar. It’s Jaehyun and Mark. Or, they sit in one another’s lap, again not when one of them (usually Jaehyun) is seeing other people but, still he can see why it’s a little off putting, having to sit with someone your boyfriend/girlfriend sits on and occasionally makes out with? Weird and definitely uncomfortable._

_Or when they hold hands, this one they do regardless, whether theyre seeing someone or not. Jaehyun can calm Mark down when he’s freaking out, linking their fingers and whispering that he’s always by Mark’s side. Or when Jaehyun is having a har day, Mark interlaces their fingers and whispers inside jokes to him. He tells him things people around them would find don’t make sense, but they both know, and they understand. And Jaehyun doesn’t let their hands drop. He keeps them connected and he squeezes his fingers when that sour mood is back or he plays with Marks fingers when he’s feeling better, sometimes, he’ll kiss Marks fingertips. Sometimes, there’s no reason behind their handholding, they just like to hold hands._

_But, again, his relationship with Jaehyun is not something he’s willing to sacrifice. Not for someone who will be nothing but a high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Not to mention, leaving Jaehyun for someone he’s known less time? It’s fucked up and Mark would be upset if someone did it to him._

_Yeri pauses her story to look at Mark, who’s looking at her, but he’s not as invested in this story like he usually is. She flicks his nose and he makes eye contact, trying to play off his glumness by putting a smile on his face. “Oh, go ahead, I swear I was listening.” She smiles and pats his hand, “You were but, you’re not your usual self, whats wrong?”_

_Sighing he shakes his head because he’s being dumb. He will lose his virginity to someone eventually but still, he feels so dumb. “I just, I wish I had my own sexscapades to talk about,” He flushes, he can’t believe he’s upset over something so stupid._

_Yeri grins and shakes her head, “You won’t be a virgin for long, if anyone finds out that you’re a virgin people will be betting on who will take your virginity.” He frowns, he doesn’t want to lose his virginity to someone who sees it as a challenge. They won’t make sure he’s okay throughout the process, they’ll cum and leave him hanging._

_Noticing the frown on his face, she bites her lip, then, “You could always ask Jaehyun to take your virginity. If you’re as close as you think you are, this won’t affect your relationship. It’ll just be one friend helping another.” She shrugs, “Or don’t, you just wait until it happens naturally.” He says nothing, maybe he an ask Jaehyun and if he says no, they go about their days like nothing happened._

_+_

_“Let me get this straight, you want me to take your virginity?” Jaehyun asks, voice at a whisper as they lay on his bed. Watching some stupid movie Jaehyun’s been raving about. Mark nods his head slowly. Jaehyun pauses the movie and turns to Mark, pulling him onto his lap so Marks straddling his hips. Mark goes willingly, he’s never been one to turn down the chance to sit on Jaehyun’s lap._

_“What brought this on?” Mark whines because he doesn’t want to talk about this, he wants to know if Jaehyun will do it or not._

_“Min baby, I’m not saying no. I just want to make sure you’re sure about this, that you’ve thought this through and that this is what you really want.” Jaehyun murmurs, hand running up and down Mark’s body, from his shoulder down to his hips._

_Nodding shyly, Mark leans forward, grabbing Jaehyun’s hands and pinning them beneath his own, “I’ve thought about it plenty, I just, I don’t want to be a virgin and you’re the only person I trust to uh, touch me like that.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Okay?” He questions, head tilted to the side, grip on Jaehyun’s hands loosening enough for Jaehyun to slip out of their grasp and move down to Mark’s thighs._

_“Okay, if you’re sure about this. My parents are going out of town next weekend. We can do it then.” Mark nods excitedly and leans down to kiss Jaehyun. The, he’s steady peppering kisses to Jaehyun’s face._

_Mark’s been buzzing with excitement, if any of his other friends notice, they don’t comment on it. Though, Yeri does have a knowing look on her face. Mark tries not to think too much about it. Instead, he focuses on preparing to lose his virginity. He’s looked up so many things, like, “how to prepare for losing your virginity,” he got plenty of answers on that question, some sounding terrible “waxing your private areas”, those comments made him squirm in discomfort. Safe to say, if waxing is anything like those comments said it is then he’d rather just shave. He also learned how to clean himself down there, just in case. He’s not sure if he’s going to top or bottom but he figures that a conversation for he and Jaehyun to have._

_He also bought condoms and water-based lube, pushing it to the back of his sock and underwear drawer just in case anyone looks through his things, [read: Marks elder brother who always blames mark for his charger disappearing even though Mark has a Samsung and his brother has an iPhone]. He’s gone to planned parenthood to get himself checked, he’s all good and clean! He feels ready to lose his virginity, feels like hes being real responsible about it all. He wasn’t sure about asking Jaehyun at first but now he’s glad he did._

_This has brought on changes with him and Jaehyun, they’ve both been touchier than usual. Where they would usually make out, now they make out any chance they get. He still shies away from pda but sometimes, when hes positive no ones looking, he’ll let Jaehyun pull him into a kiss, or he’ll pull Jaehyun into a kiss. Blushing brightly when they pull away._

_“Are you and Jaehyun dating?” A girl named tiffany from his grade asks, while they walk to their classes._

_Quirking a brow, he looks over at her with squinted eyes. “What?” he’s a tad annoyed that someone he doesn’t even talk to is asking him such questions._

_“You and Jaehyun? Are you together?” He’s not sure why this concerns her but, he’ll humor her, just for the time being. “Why do you ask?” She raises her shoulders slightly, “We went out not too long ago and he never called me like he said he would. And now, well, he’s all over you.” He frowns, that’s not any of his business damn it, but now he can see why she suddenly wants to know what goes on with him and Jaehyun. But there goes that gut wrenching feeling again, the one he gets when he thinks of Jaehyun with someone else._

_“We’re not together but I’m sorry about that. Maybe you should talk things out with him?” He advises, she nods her head and begins to walk ahead of him. “I will, thanks for clearing things up.” He curses himself for wishing he had told her that yes, Jaehyun and he are together. But that’s not in Marks nature. Jaehyun may be his for the time being but someone will eventually snatch him up and show him and treat him ways Mark could never._

_Friday night comes, and Mark is vibrating with excitement as he packs his bag for Jaehyun’s. Though his parents know nothing about his physical relationship with Jaehyun, just that their friendship goes as far back as middle school. He has an inkling that they know more than they let on. So, hes not too shocked when his parents tell him to be safe at Jaehyun’s, the weight of their words is heavy. He feels bad for not telling them the truth but what was he supposed to say? “Hey mom, dad, I’m going to Jaehyun’s this weekend to lose my virginity.” Ha. No. He waves at them and steps out of their home and down the street to the subway._

_He gets to Jaehyun’s and knocks. Shakily. His hands are shaking, and he feels like he could burst, hes determined though. He wants this. No doubt._

_Jaehyun opens the door with a smile, he doesn’t greet Mark like he usually would. No, he moves off to side so Mark can come through and he stands a few feet away. Mark doesn’t like it, its not them. It’s weird and its making Mark second guess himself. “Is this going to make things weird between us?” Marks asks as Jaehyun leads them up the stairs to his bedroom. Jaehyun falters and turns to Mark mid step, “Is it too much?” He nods and steps forward, wrapping his arms just around Jaehyun’s thighs. It’s the only place Mark could’ve reached at the disadvantage of already being shorter than Jaehyun and being two steps below him. His face is just above Jaehyun’s butt._

_“Too much, I want things to happen when they happen? No forcing it tonight, or any night. I want us to be okay and if that’ll prevent us from that then, I’d rather not.” Jaehyun releases a relieved breath and Mark can physically feel the tension leave Jaehyun’s body. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted our first times to be special or not.“ Mark steps up the stairs that put distance between them and turns Jaehyun to face him, he cups Jaehyun’s face and rests his forehead against Jaehyun’s, breath fanning across the latter’s lips. “I assumed you were no longer a virgin. I’m sorry. But if you’d like our first times to be special or romantic, by all means go ahead.” Jaehyun shakes his head and presses a soft kiss to Mark’s lips, “It’ll be special because it’s us.” He pulls away and leads Mark to his bedroom which is cleaner than usual. There’re no clothes hanging off his desk chair, his bed is neatly made, and his curtains are drawn close._

_They go about their night like they would any time Mark spends the night, Mark laying down on his back, Jaehyun resting his head on Mark’s thigh or tummy, watching the same movie they’ve seen a million times but it’s their movie._

_Jaehyun turns his head and presses a kiss to Mark’s exposed thigh, it’s a bit wet but Mark doesn’t mind. He hums and runs his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair. Letting Jaehyun know he’s comfortable so far and that if he’s comfortable he can step it up a notch. Looking up at him through lidded eyes, Jaehyun peppers kisses up Marks thighs, up his happy trail and licks a stripe up Mark’s tummy. Causing the younger to giggle. Marks giggle brings Jaehyun’s dimpled smile out and he moves up to kiss Mark._

_Their kiss is messy, theyre trying to do too much at once but they don’t care. Their focus is each other. Mark pulls away from Jaehyun, sliding his hands under his shirt, he leaves a trail of hickeys and bite marks over Jaehyun’s neck and collarbones. Jaehyun gasps at the sensation, “Do you—fuck, do you want to—shit mark, do you want to top or bottom?” Pulling away, Mark looks at him with confused eyes._

_“Uh whatever you want?” Jaehyun shakes his head and sits back on his heels, legs spread over Marks thighs. “Mark, what do you want to do?” Mark blushes and whispers, “I want to bottom.” Jaehyun nods and leans down to kiss Mark once more, giggling at how eager Mark is._

_They kiss lazily at first, Jaehyun on top of Mark, stroking his face while Mark strokes his back. There’s no rush and theyre content exploring each other’s mouths, breaths mingling, hands holding each other, caressing each other’s faces, just touching each other._

_Mark kisses along Jaehyun’s jawline, fingers gripping tightly at the hemline of his t-shirt. He tugs down on it and Jaehyun pulls away, looking down at him with a small smile, “You want me to take it off?” Mark nods, and Jaehyun grins. “Say it.” Mark rolls his eyes and tugs again, harder._

_“C’mon min baby, you want it off all you gotta do is say it.” He’s got a smug grin as Mark frowns._

_He’s silent and Jaehyun leans back down to kiss Mark. An apology for being such a smug bastard._

_Mark pushes him back; so, his ass is flat against Mark’s thighs. He tugs at the shirt for a third time, only this time, he’s tugging upwards. “Take it off, and while you’re at it, take your pants off too.” Mark commands, eyes glaring up at him. Jaehyun shoots him a grin and pulls his shirt over his head. Grinningly unflinchingly as Mark’s eyes trail over his torso. It’s not the first time they’re undressed around each other, but the way Mark is looking him over sure is new. Gripping the waistband of his pants, Mark glares at them as if they’ve done something to him. He shuffles off of Mark, winking exaggeratedly as he does so._

_Despite the confident façade, Jaehyun is nervous. Doing this is a big risk, if things get weird, they may never be able to bounce back but he doubts that it could ever get to that. Him and Mark are forever, there’s never been a doubt in his mind, never been a second thought. He could hurt Mark or Mark could hurt him, there’s a big risk doing this, but he wants this. Wants to claim all of Mark, wants Mark to claim all of him._

_He strips down to his briefs, eyes focused on Mark the entire time. Marks eyes follow his every movement. “Your turn,” Mark stumbles off the bed, looking like a creature that barely learnt how to walk. Jaehyun finds this incredibly endearing._

_He steadies himself enough to slide out of his jeans, he looks up at Jaehyun who nods his head encouragingly and he pushes through. He pulls his shirt off a little more hesitantly and when he tugs it off, he looks awkward standing off to the side, avoiding eye contact, so Jaehyun pulls him close. Captures his lips in a kiss, when they part, Mark eases his hand into Jaehyun’s pants. He’s leaving breathy kisses across Jaehyun’s skin._

_“Can I–I want to go down on you.” Mark says, looking up at Jaehyun through his lashes, the elder of the two groans. He can count on both hands how many times he’s thought of Mark on his knees in front of him._

_“Fuck – yeah, okay.” He gently pushes Mark to his knees, “Slow down fucker, I’m getting down there.” Mark complains, pinching Jaehyun’s inner thigh. Jaehyun is just to reply when Mark frees his dick from his constricting briefs. He releases a long, drawn out breath, and hisses when Mark kitten licks it._

_“I, uh, I’ve never done this before.” Mark admits, pulling away, looking at Jaehyun pupils blown wide with lust. Jaehyun internally curses at the look on Mark’s face. As bad as Mark is at giving head, Jaehyun doesn’t find it a turn off. He doesn’t expect Mark to be good at it, hell, he finds it cute that Mark’s learning on him._

_Stretching Mark out has been weird for both parties, for Mark because while he’d masturbated plenty times before, he’d never done it by fingering himself, he’d always been too shy to do so. For Jaehyun, because he’d never envisioned himself face in between Marks thighs as he slowly eased two fingers in and out of Mark’s bum._

_Mark is a crier, Jaehyun finds out early on. Much like everything else, Jaehyun finds this to be endearing. “We can stop, honey. We don’t have to continue, I can just give you head and we’ll call it a day. I’ll get us something to drink and we can take a bath.” Marks eyes squeeze shut then he’s lifting his head to look down at Jaehyun._

_“No, hyung, it’s um-its okay. I just need time to adjust.” He’s got tears streaming down his face but he still looks cute. Jaehyun’s face is scrunched in concern, he leans down to kiss at Mark’s knee._

_“Promise me you’ll let me know if it gets to be too much.”_

_“I promise, can you move your fingers, slowly. It’s still a bit uncomfortable.” Jaehyun nods, gently shifting his fingers back and forth._

_Mark tenses up. Jaehyun slows down. “No, no it’s okay. I’m okay, keep going. Can you get more lube?” Jaehyun slows his ministrations down so that he can look for the bottle of lube that he knows for certain should be beside Marks legs. It’s moved from where it was positioned and is now tucked right by his right butt cheek and the mattress. Jaehyun giggles. Mark huffs a laugh and hands the lube over._

_In the end, Mark and Jaehyun cum far too soon for either of them to really regret their actions. Jaehyun helps Mark into the bath and then he disappears to make them some hot chocolate. Mark almost confesses his love to Jaehyun in that tub that night. They’re curled in the tub, Mark resting against Jaehyun’s chest, they take turns kissing each other, tempted to go for another round, Marks scrunched face of discomfort has Jaehyun stopping this. Instead he pulls the younger so that theyre face to face._

_“I love you.” Mark whispers, eyes welling with tears and Jaehyun smiles._

_“I love you too, Mark. Forever.”_

_“I know, nothing’ll change between us, yeah?” Jaehyun shakes his head and kisses the tip of Marks nose._

_“No, we’re still Jaehyun and Mark, just like always. Only now, we’re connected forever.”_

_“Forever.” Mark repeats, a small, sated smile gracing his baby face._

He’s pulled out of earlier days by a pounding at his front door, he fumbles out of the tub. Slipping on the now wet floor, he yelps in pain, clutching at his side. He grunts as he gets up, his side no doubt already bruising. Silently cursing at whoever is banging at his door, he wraps a towel around his waist and scurries out of the restroom and towards the front door.

“I’m coming.” He yells. He takes a deep breath before opening the door, ready to curse whoever is on the other side of his door.

He slowly opens the door, head poking out and he’s surprised to find it’s Lucas’ face that greets him. The older male eyes him and motions to his apartment, “Can I come in?” Mark blushes and nods his head, “Yeah, let me just get dressed?” It sounds like more of a question than a statement. Mark turns on his heels ready to get dressed when there’s another knock on his door. He curses silently and turns back to the door.

Why is everyone dropping in for a surprise visit when he’s naked and damp.

He opens the door and he feels like he’s been winded when he sees Jaehyun and Taeyong, “Hey…” He breathes.

“We need to—” He stops and looks over Mark’s shoulder, eyes squinting to a glare, “—talk.” Mark turns his head and sees Lucas standing behind him. Jaehyun huffs out a breath and really looks Mark over, jaw clenching tight at Mark’s lack of clothes. Mark can only imagine what this looks like to them, but he can’t be bothered to care.

“I agree that we need to talk, right now isn’t the best time, I’m sorry.” He apologizes, he can see as Taeyong’s hands clutch Jaehyun’s tighter. Taeyong and Jaehyun both shoot glares at Lucas. Mark turns to Lucas, thankful the other seems to not be reacting to the two elder, hot headed males.

“We’ll be back later, when you don’t have company.” Taeyong finally murmurs, shooting Lucas one last glare before turning on his heels, leading Jaehyun away. Jaehyun looks back as Mark closes the door, they make brief eye contact and then Mark shuts and locks the door.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He says, shuffling to his bedroom.

He makes his way back to the living room a few minutes later, dressed in one of Jaehyun’s night shirts, his briefs and some shorts he knows for a fact have never belonged to him.

Lucas is standing by his bookshelf where there are no books but several pictures of him with Jaehyun, him with Jaehyun and Taeyong and some of Jaehyun and Taeyong together. Some of Jaehyun by the Han river, looking over at Mark with sparkly eyes. Some of Taeyong sitting in Mark’s library, incredibly focused on a book, his brows are pinched together in concentration. [Even in his apartment he can’t escape them.]

“Hey,” Lucas’ greets, hand rubbing at the back of his neck nervously.

“Hey yourself.” Mark returns.

“I wanted to come talk to you, get some closure for myself.” He says making eye contact with him.

“Oh, I understand.” Lucas nods and Marks motions down to the couch, “Why don’t you take a seat, do you want some water or something to drink?” He shakes his head and sits on the couch; he looks so large and misplaced in Mark’s small apartment.

“Okay, I have a few questions.” He pauses and angles his body towards Mark. “Did you ever love me? The way I loved you?” Mark frowns at the question but supposes it’s only fair. “I did and I do love you, just not in the way you loved me.” He stops and shuffles closer to Lucas, so he’s within touching distance. “You loved me in a way I couldn’t love you, I could see it in your eyes when you looked at me and I felt it was unfair of me; to love you so halfheartedly.” Lucas takes a deep breath that sounds more like a gasp and nods, eyes a little glassy.

“Was it because of me? Like, was it something I did? Or?” Mark quickly shakes his head and grasps Lucas’ large hands in his much smaller ones. “Goddess no! It was never you; it was me. I was at fault. I couldn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved because of something else.” Lucas squeezes his hand and looks at the bookshelf and then back at Mark.

“It’s because of Jaehyun isn’t it? You’ve always loved him, that was easy to see. Even when you were miles and miles apart, I could tell just how much you loved him. I guess I never really let myself see how you loved him.” Mark takes a shuddering breath and lets his body become one with the couch. “Yeah, I’ve always been in love with Jaehyun and it wasn’t fair to you. I’m really sorry, also, I want to make it known that I never used you and if it felt like that, I’m sorry. I really did like you, you’re easy to like and you’re really a great person.” Lucas opens his arms and Mark crawls right in. “I never once thought you were using me, I just, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t something I did that made it hard for you to love me.”

Mark sighs softly and pats Lucas’ head, “I did love you; I just wasn’t in love with you, honestly. You’re a great person, it’s hard not to fall for you.” He hums, “I’m glad to see things working out for you, Mark.” Mark looks up at him questioningly.

“What do you mean?” Lucas chuckles and leans into Mark’s touch. “The way Jaehyun looks at you, the other guy too but I’m not too sure what’s going on there. They love you, even a blind man can see that they do. Not to mention, the other night at the club when Jaehyun very obviously staked his claim.” He snorts this time and Mark pinches his side lightly.

“I’m not too sure what’s goin’ on there either, things are pretty rocky right now. How are things for you though?”

A shrug, “They’re alright, I met this guy named Kun. He’s a real sweetheart, we’ve talked a lot, but he said he wants to make sure I don’t have any lingering feelings for anyone else before we start seeing each other on a more serious basis, he doesn’t want either of us to regret anything. And, I’m not the best at advice but don’t let Jaehyun get away. I know that your relationship with him is the most important one in your life,” He doesn’t say it bitterly, something akin to acceptance is layered in his tone. “He’s your forever Mark, whether it be romantically or platonically. It’s hard to find someone to stick with you for longer than a few years and you’ve found someone who’s spent more than a decade by your side, cherish that.” Mark smiles at Lucas, he was a great partner, but they were better off as friends and he missed that.

“Whats Kun look like? I know, I just, I need to figure some things out.”

“How about, we order take out and I show you what he looks like and what he does for a living? Just like we used to do in uni before?” Mark hurries up to his feet, eager for another distraction from his thoughts. “Okay, I’ll grab the blankets and look for something to play on the t.v. in the background, you go ahead and order, whatever is good.” He shuffles off to his hallway closet and pulls out several blankets, and few extra pillows.

+

“So, what’s going on in that little head? You know you love Jaehyun, so whats holding you back?” Lucas asks, after they’ve finished stalking Qian Kun’s Instagram, twitter and Facebook profiles. They’re laying on the floor huddled under several covers, the t.v. and all the lights are off.

“The other guy?” He starts, rolling onto his tummy, head resting in the palm of his hand. “That’s Jaehyun’s boyfriend. They’ve been together about three years? They got together four months after we broke up. I like him, but I love Jaehyun and I know, I know that no matter what happens with us three, Jaehyun will choose me. It’s always been like that, but I don’t—I don’t think I can give Jaehyun the happiness he deserves.” Lucas scoots closer to he and Mark are touching. “Let me tell you how this started.”

**_University, Year Three; Junior Year_ **

_Mark has been in love with Jaehyun since 8 th grade. It wasn’t a mind-blowing realization, in the back of his head, he’d always known._

_Like he’s known and accepted his feelings for the elder, he’s also known he can’t have Jaehyun. Not the way he wants him. Their kisses are platonic, they always have been. It’s a sense of comfort, familiarity. It’s innate, the way they lean into each other, the way their lips clash together after a long, hard day. Even after going to different colleges, their familiarity with one another has never faded, never changed. If anything, it’s only gotten stronger._

_But still, knowing Jaehyun isn’t meant for him still hurts even after coming to terms and accepting it. So, he’s a little surprised and hurt when Taeyong comes into the picture. It goes something like this:_

_Mark cries out in relief as he tosses himself onto Jaehyun’s bed._

_“Rough day babe?” Jaehyun asks, kneeling at the edge of the bed, looking down at Mark with a tenderness that’s reserved only for him._

_“So rough Jae, my head hurts and my coworkers are assholes!” Jaehyun sits on the bed and lets Mark settle his head on his lap, “Tell me about it.” Mark looks up at him and recounts the story of his day._

_“We were supposed to finish up this week and these assholes have been running amuck, amuck Jae! I’m so annoyed and my boss got into it with me!!” Mark cries, clenching and unclenching his fist. Taking a deep breath, he kisses Jaehyun’s thigh and then looks up at him. “But tell me, how was your day?”_

_Jaehyun runs his fingers through Marks hair thoughtfully. “Hmm, well, my day was actually pretty good! We got an interview with Seo Youngho and you’ve met my coworkers, you know they’re pretty cool!” Mark smiles up at him, gums and teeth showing, and he reaches up to caress Jaehyun’s cheeks. “That’s great Jae, I’m so happy for you! If you can, take a picture of Youngho please, I need it. Pretty please!” He flashes a smile and Jaehyun nods, smiling fondly. “Whatever you want baby, but I do have something to ask for in return.” Mark scrambles up quickly, he’s willing to do anything, there is no one on this earth he loves more than Seo Youngho. (Jaehyun is a close, like really really close, second but he doesn’t know that.)_

_“I want you to meet someone.” Mark freezes, Jaehyun asking him to meet someone usually means he’s dating and that it might be serious. He slowly backs away, until he’s on the edge of the bed._

_“You want me to what?” He asks, he wants clarification, no, he needs it. He’s standing at the foot of the bed, eyes wide looking a little distressed._

_Jaehyun sighs and follows after Mark, sitting on the edge of the bed, on his haunches, he reaches forward and pulls mark close by the hem of his shirt. “Mark please, I really like him.” Mark ignores his shattering heart and pats Jaehyun’s head reassuringly, “Okay, yeah, okay. Just let me know when.” Then he’s unwrapping Jaehyun’s arm from around him and sliding on his slippers._

_His chest aches as he walks away from Jaehyun’s apartment. He’s never really thought of losing Jaehyun, there was that one scare in university when Jaehyun’s boyfriend Doyoung proposed but they ended up calling it off. After that, Jaehyun never dated seriously, never wanted Mark to meet anyone._

_Shaking his head, he wills himself not to be negative. He’s always known Jaehyun was never for him to keep. The universe was only letting him borrow him. To keep him safe and happy until someone else would come and sweep him away. Besides, Jaehyun’s happiness is all Mark’s ever wanted for the ’97 liner._

_He goes to Jaehyun’s favorite restaurant and orders for the both of them, then with a grateful smile to the person behind the register he takes his order and makes his way back to Jaehyun’s apartment._

_“I thought you left,” Jaehyun says, coming out of his bedroom as Mark makes his way to the living room, bags of food in his hands._

_“Was hungry.” He replies, handing Jaehyun a bag. Jaehyun takes the bag and with a quirked brow he asks. “You sure that’s it?” Mark shrugs because he can’t exactly tell Jaehyun, “I’ve been in love with you since eighth grade. Way before you took my first kiss or my virginity.” And because, despite his love for the elder, his confession of ‘really liking’ this person holds him back, doesn’t give him the chance to take that from Jaehyun._

_They’re sitting, watching ridiculousness because Jaehyun knows it makes the younger laugh and he isn’t fond of the grimace resting on Marks face. Jaehyun sighs because, he knows what’s going on in the youngers head, but he doesn’t want Mark to know that. He wants Mark to come to him when he’s ready. So, he nudges his foot against Mark’s thigh and beckons him over. Mark crawls over, laying in front of Jaehyun, back pressed to Jaehyun’s chest._

_“Mark?” Mark hums but doesn’t turn to him, Jaehyun growls and flips Mark over so theyre facing each other._

_“Whats wrong?” Mark shakes his head, Jaehyun sighs and looks down at his lips. He goes in for a kiss, only to halt at Mark’s hand on his chest. “If you’re seeing someone, I don’t think it’s appropriate.” It’s a whisper and Mark looks just as torn as Jaehyun feels. It’s the first time Mark’s ever denied Jaehyun a kiss. Sure, he’s always stopped it before it’s gotten too far. This is new, for both of them, but Jaehyun seems serious about this one. Even if he’s never talked about him to Mark. Still, he’s not going to give himself the luxury of Jaehyun’s lips. Not when those lips long for someone else, someone who isn’t Mark._

_He turns his back to Jaehyun, focusing back on the t.v. once again ignoring the ache in his chest, pushing it aside because Jaehyun has always been more important than Marks own feelings._

He turns to Lucas who seems to be listening intently a frown on his face. “Why haven’t you ever said, ‘fuck it’ and let your feelings be known? Why haven’t you ever put yourself first?” Mark shrugs, “I’ve always loved Jaehyun more than I’ve love myself. I would do anything to make him happy.” Lucas leans over and smacks Mark, **hard**.

“Have you ever thought that, maybe, you are his happiness?” Mark rubs at the now sore area on his body and shakes his head. “I have but it just, doesn’t seem realistic.” He shrugs his shoulders and looks to Lucas who rolls his eyes and sighs heavily.

“You are the stupidest person I’ve met. But continue.”

 **Valentine baby  
9:53 am** _  
**Wanna go out tonight?** _

_Mark picks his phone up off his desk and sighs, tonight is the night he’s going to meet Jaehyun’s mystery person. He can feel it._

**Mark  
9:54 am** **_  
Yes, where do you suggest we meet?_ **

**Valentine baby  
9:55 am** **_  
That greasy pizza shop behind Yoyo’s? or Yoyo’s? at 7 pm._ **

**Mark**  
9:55 am _  
Pizza shop, I’m craving pizza._

_Partial truth, he is craving pizza, but he doesn’t want to ruin the sacred candy shop that is Yoyo’s with what he is sure is going to be a sour evening. On his end anyway._

_So, the rest of that workday is spent with him busying himself and finishing projects that aren’t due for another two weeks. When he gets home, he does any homework he has to do for uni, completing everything before it’s done, as usual. He also doesn’t eat, he fears if he eats, he might make himself sick._

_He’s out of his apartment and down the street at the pizza place by six-forty-five, he sits there on his phone until he feels someone staring at him. A smile makes its way to his face as he looks up and spots Jaehyun. Not taking any notice of the man behind him._

_“Hey.” Mark greets, standing up and reaching for Jaehyun; who immediately embraces him. Arms wrapping tightly around him._

_“Have you ordered?” Mark shakes his head no, “Was waiting for you.” Jaehyun nods and turns, pulling slightly away. He motions to a tall man with black hair that is standing slightly behind him. “Tae this is Mark.” Then he turns to Mark, “Mark, this is Taeyong. The person I wanted you to meet.” Nodding, Mark pulls himself away from Jaehyun, leaving a good distance between them, “Pleasure to meet you!” Taeyong extends his hand and Mark places his hand in it._

_“Jae talks a lot about you.” Mark resists the urge to say something snide about how Jaehyun’s never ever said anything about him until a week ago and instead smiles. “I hope its all good things.” Taeyong smiles, it’s a secretive smile and nods, “All good things, scouts honor.” Mark hums. “The usual Jae? Or?” Jaehyun looks to Taeyong who nods with a tilt of his shoulders._

_“Yeah, I’ll go with you,” So they walk up and order a pizza with the works on half and bacon on the other half because Mark cannot stand mushrooms and barbeque and mango habanero wings._

_When they sit back down, it’s awkward for Mark who has Jaehyun pressed to his side and Jaehyun’s date(?) sitting across from them. “So, Taeyong what do you do?” Mark asks casually, scooting away from Jaehyun subtly. Taeyong brightens up immediately at the question._

_“I am a grade school teacher! I teach 4 th and 5th graders.” He’s got a nice smile, Mark’ll admit and he’s good looking. He’s got brown hair, it’s dark, looks a little black but when the light shines on him just right he knows for certain that he’s brunet. He’s not quite tall, looks to be just about Marks height. He’s also thin._

_“What do you do Mark?” Taeyong leans in, resting his chin against palm, eyes focused on Mark. Mark squirms at the attention and he visibly flinches when Jaehyun flicks his hair out of his eyes._

_“I am a library aide, I work at the library on campus.” Taeyong nods, “Oh, are you a student?” Mark nods. “Yes! I’m studying towards my bachelors, majoring in English literature and minoring in Music Composition.” Taeyong smiles brightly and Mark can’t find it in him to hate him too much._

_Their pizza and wings are brought over by one of the workers and their conversation takes a hiatus as they dig in, they do comment on the pizza through mouthfuls of food. Mark slowly relaxes as they eat until – “I’m going to get a refill on my drink, do you need a refill, baby?” Mark freezes at the pet name and turns to Jaehyun whose cheeks are tinged with pink. He shakes his head no and Mark spaces out through the rest of dinner in a sullen mood._

_+_

_“We should go to Yoyo’s!” Jaehyun suggests, looking at Mark with wide puppy dog eyes._

_“Ah, I can’t tonight, Hyunnie. I promised Hyuck and Renjun I’d visit them.” He smiles apologetically, for denying Jaehyun this and for lying._

_“Oh, that’s okay. Next time maybe?” Mark agrees. “We’ll walk you to their apartment?” Mark quickly shakes his head, “I have to go get my overnight bag. Sorry Hyunnie.” Jaehyun sighs but nods, then Mark is hugging him and waving awkwardly at Taeyong._

_“Bye!” He turns and scurries away. Missing the look of disappointment on Jaehyun’s face._

_+_

_A few weeks after he’s met Taeyong, Mark sits at Jungwoo and Sicheng’s kitchen table because contrary to what **everyone** thinks, Mark has friends outside of Jaehyun. Friends that know of his love for the stupid dimpled boy. They’re drinking beer, which Mark is thankful for, his heart hurts._

_The couple sitting across from him stops their chatter when he sighs, loudly. Both males face him and open their arms, Mark pushes his chair back and sulks over to them. He curls into Sicheng’s lap and throws his feet over Jungwoo’s legs._

_“What’s wrong Markles?” Sicheng asks softly, running his hands up and down Marks back in a soothing, comforting manner._

_“I just—I feel like I’m losing Jaehyun to Taeyong and I don’t know what to do.” He presses himself closer to Sicheng, relishing in the affection. “Losing Jae would be like losing myself. He’s my other half,” Jungwoo pats his thigh and tilts his chin up so he’s looking at him. “I think you should tell him how you really feel. That way there are no regrets, if he doesn’t feel the same way well at least you told him how you feel.” Mark sits up as best he can with Sicheng’s arms wrapped around his midriff._

_“I cant do that to him. He’s already so happy with Taeyong. I won’t ruin that for him. And Taeyong’s really a nice guy, he hasn’t done much except steal my valentine boy and my nickname for him. He treats Jaehyun well, and even when Jaehyun is quite literally all over me, his attitude towards me never changes.” Mark sighs, tucking his face back into Sicheng’s neck._

_“What nickname did he steal from you?”_

_“We’re here for you no matter what you decide to do.” Sicheng shoots Jungwoo a glare and Mark snorts at the question._

_“I used to call Jaehyun baby, that was my nickname for him. He never let any of his previous boyfriends or girlfriends call him that, but Mr. Handsome swoops in and suddenly, I’m not the only one calling him baby anymore.”_

_Sicheng outright laughs at him. Jungwoo on the other hand looks at him questioningly. “He really never let anyone, but you call him that?” Mark shakes his head no and Jungwoo breathes out, “Jesus shit Mark you’re so fucking dense.” Mark looks up at him with a pout._

_“From what you’ve told me, it sounds like Jaehyun’s been in love with you for the longest time.” Mark shrugs his shoulders because it doesn’t matter._

Lucas is looking over at him curiously, he sighs and opens his mouth to say something before shutting it and sighing again.

“Your friend— Jungwoo? He’s right. You are so fucking dense.” Lucas huffs, shuffling around so he’s on his back. Mark turns to him with a quirked brow.

“Jesus Mark, just-tell the guy you’re in love with him. He loves you too, I know you know he does.”

Lucas pats Marks hand and after a beat he says, “Tell me about the boyfriend? What’s he like? What do you like about him?”

“Hmm well, he’s kind. So kind, ‘Cas. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him get angry at Jaehyun, actually I don’t ever think I’ve ever seen him angry.” He’s smiling. “He loves the kids he teaches. Sometimes, when Jae and I aren’t busy we’ll go visit him at work. It’s a little hard to do but it’s worth it, he loves the kids so much and you can tell they love him too. Even though he’s still a bit awkward around me, he never fails to include me in anything, sometimes, him and Jaehyun will text me and invite me to the same thing but hours apart.” Lucas smiles at Mark.

Despite knowing and loving Jaehyun for a decade and some change, he’d learned to love Taeyong just the same. From his awkward ways of caring for him, (he bought him a blanket once when they were out, he didn’t have to do that. All mark wanted were the keys for Taeyong’s vehicle so he could sit in it. And when Mark looked up at him with what he can assume were giant, obvious heart eyes; Taeyong panicked and tossed the blanket at Marks face.) he bought him breakfast and delivered it when Mark was sick once, Jaehyun was at work and couldn’t quite catch a break so he’d texted Taeyong hoping the elder would keep him busy. He bought him some rice porridge and five different types of juice [orange, grape, cranberry, apple and pineapple mango], he sat around with him until he felt better. He even let Mark rest his head on his lap even though he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Read: he fumbled with them for so long, Mark physically had to stop them and hold them while he settled down.

While they were still a bit awkward with each other, they were a tad more physically affectionate with one another. Sometimes, when Jaehyun has to stay at work late on their weekly movie nights, they get together and wait for Jaehyun to show up. Mark’ll lay his head in Taeyong’s lap and take a nap when Taeyong starts to stroke his hair and quietly sing.

To the way he loves Jaehyun, he always makes sure Jaehyun is okay, whether it be at their apartment, or at Marks or anywhere in between. If Jaehyun so much as winces Taeyong is there, ready to make sure Jaehyun is okay. He also makes sure Jaehyun has eaten, Mark has to admit at first it got on his nerves when he’d receive a “can u feed Jaehyun, he didn’t eat before going over” as if he needed to be reminded. He’s been taking care of Jaehyun for years now, he’s known what kind of monster Jaehyun is early in the Mornings. Now, he appreciates the “make sure u and Jae eat today.” Because sometimes, just sometimes Mark forgets to take care of himself and the reminder is always appreciated. Sometimes, when they know he’s having a hard day or even a hard week, one of them will show up with breakfast and the other with lunch, then after work, they take him out to lunch, and they squish him in between them afterwards. While they walk home, their hands are twined with his, if they decide to watch a movie, they give him space but make sure they’re within touching distance should he want to cuddle.

It’s the little things, Mark notices, that have opened his heart up to not only Jaehyun but to Taeyong too. That happiness he’s always wanted for Jaehyun? He wants that for Taeyong too.

“I love them so much, ‘Cas. It hurts.” Mark whimpers rolling over and burying his face in the covers. Lucas rubs his back soothingly.

“The only way you’ll feel better is if you talk to them.”

Mark sits silently before he pouts up at Lucas. “Can it wait? I’m scared.” Lucas nods and turns his attention to the ceiling. “It can but don’t let it wait for too long, you might miss your chance.”

They spend the rest of the evening talking about any and all things, they catch up on all the things they’ve missed out on.

By morning, Mark feels worse for wear and Lucas is looking at him with concern. He’s sure he’s running a fever and Mark has never been so grateful of the universe.

“I won’t push you to talk to your lovers because you seem to be coming down with something, but I can run down to the convenience store and see what they’ve got going that’ll make you feel better?” Mark nods, tucking himself further into the covers and Lucas grins. The kid looks like a kitten.

“Okay, I’ll be back. Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.” Mark hums but doesn’t move and Lucas takes that as his cue to leave. He washes his face and takes Marks keys.

On his way back up to Marks apartment, he’s surprised to find Jaehyun at Mark door. He’s accompanied by, who Lucas assumes is, his boyfriend. When they spot him, Jaehyun shoots him a dirty look and Lucas’ steps falter.

“I’m-uh. Well, Mark isn’t doing too well. So, I brought him some stuff that’ll hopefully make him feel better.” Jaehyun turns to the door, lifting his fist to knock and Lucas rattles the keychain in his hand.

Jaehyun eyes him warily but steps aside so Lucas can unlock the door. He walks into the apartment to find Mark exactly where he left him, but he seems to have been swallowed further down by the blankets.

He sets the bag down in the kitchen and fills a glass with water, he shuffles through the bag looking for the painkillers and hums triumphantly when he locates them. He pops a few into his hand and makes way back to the living room where Jaehyun and his boyfriend are looking Mark over from a distance.

“Hey, Markie? Can you sit up for me?” Mark groans and Lucas sighs. “Okay, I need you to peel the blankets back, I’m going to give you some medicine and water and then I need you to really sit up.” Mark slowly pulls the blankets off himself, shivering when the morning air hits his flushed skin.

Lucas manhandles Mark a bit so hes sitting, his eyes are closed, and he looks like, not really alive. He flicks Marks head and grins when the younger whines. “Stick your tongue out.” Mark does as told, sticking his pink little tongue out. Lucas places the painkillers on his tongue and guides the glass to his lips where he helps tilt it back, so Mark is drinking.

“Hey, remember that talk we had last night?” Mark nods. “Well, it looks like today is your ruing day. You’ve got company.” Marks blinks his eyes open blearily, he looks around the room and he pales at the men standing off to the side.

“You’re probably not in the best state to handle this so, don’t, use your sickness to your advantage but don’t push them away. Love you, Markie. I’ll see you soon!” Lucas kisses his hot forehead, grimacing at the heat and then he gathers his belongings.

“I bought some rice porridge, all you have to do is heat it up. Take care of Mark.” He waves and ducks out the front door.

“How long have you been sick?” Jaehyun asks, edging closer to Mark. Taeyong slinks into the kitchen to heat up the porridge.

“Just this morning,” Mark rasps, snuggling back into the blankets. Jaehyun turns softly and tugs him back up. “No, you need to go shower. We need to talk but that can wait until after you’re better. Go shower.” Mark frowns and pulls himself off the couch on staggering feet. Jaehyun sighs and stands, hands coming up to help guide Mark to his restroom.

“Do you need help bathing?” Mark shakes his head no rapidly. “Could you find me some clothes to wear?”

Jaehyun nods, helping Mark sit on the toilet seat as he sets the water to the perfect temperature.

“Uh, why was Lucas here?” Jaehyun questions hesitantly, hand brushing Mark’s fringe out of his eyes.

“We needed to talk, to clear up some things and get closure.” Jaehyun’s hand stops its movement and then, he’s turning away as Mark strips and settles in the tub.

“So, he wasn’t here to try to get you back?” Mark sighs and leans his head on the edge of the tub. “Hyung, I’d rather not have this conversation when I’m naked.” Jaehyun frowns but moves to the door. “Okay, I’ll get your clothes.” Mark hums, eyes drifting shut.

.

“Hey, you need to get out or you’re going to feel worse,” a gentle voice says, hands lightly brushing his hair.

“I’m tired,” he whines, sinking further into the tub.

“C’mon baby, you gotta get out.” Mark’s eyes open, he finds both Taeyong and Jaehyun in his restroom.

Mark huffs in annoyance but reaches out for his towel, shooting a glare at Jaehyun who’s standing by the door, a bigger fluffier towel in his hands. “C’mere,” He coaxes, opening the towel up and Mark listens, dragging his feet across the floor and he falls into Jaehyun’s arms with a content sigh.

“I missed you, ya know? Thought you were mad.” Jaehyun mumbles into his skin.

“Needed to be alone,” Mark replies, nuzzling his face into Jaehyun’s neck.

“Yong warmed up your rice porridge, you think you can stomach it?” Mark nods, and Jaehyun smiles softly, leading Mark into his bedroom.

Jaehyun dresses him, (literally dresses him, he doesn’t let Mark do it himself) and leads him down to his kitchen where Taeyong is standing that the counter.

“You didn’t answer my question Mark, was he here trying to get you back?” Mark looks up from his bowl, eyebrows furrowed. “Jae what the fuck,”

“Mark, I need you to answer the question, I’m so confused and I just, I want to make sure everything’s okay.”

“Everything’s fine, why wouldn’t it be fine?”

Jaehyun growls at the statement and tugs on his hair harshly. “Because we’re fucking in love with you, you goddamned idiot. Because I’ve been in love with you since we were younger and I’m tired of trying to dismiss my feelings, because I’m pretty sure you feel the same way, but you won’t let me in.” Mark gapes, spoon clattering as it falls from his hand and contacts the bowl.

“Hey babe? Let him eat yeah? If he weren’t sick, I would approve of you finally gaining the courage to tell him but lets get him to finish his meal.” Taeyong murmurs, handing mark another spoon.

“Okay, yeah, you’re right.” Jaehyun sighs, sitting in the seat next to Mark. “We’re not leaving this apartment until we talk. I’m done waiting for you to make a move.” Despite how serious his words are, he leans over and plants a wet, noisy kiss to Marks face, smiling when Mark blushes and opts to dig into his rice porridge.

When done, Taeyong takes the bowl, kisses the crown of Mark’s head and sets said bowl in the sink.

Mark feels like he cant take a breath. He’s nervous, scared, dazed but hopeful.

“What you said earlier, did you mean it?” Mark asks softly, eyes darting between both males.

“What? That I’ve been in love with you? Yes, I probably didn’t go about that the right way but there was no lie. I’m in love with you, ive been in love with you since we were younger.” Taeyong drifts over to Jaehyun’s side. He places a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder and smiles warmly at him.

“I haven’t been in love with you quite as long, but being with you and Jaehyun sure has felt like I’ve spent an eternity loving you, both of you.” He pauses, hand drifting down to grip Jaehyun’s, his other hand comes up to cup Marks hand. “It was hard, I’ll admit, watching Jaehyun love you while being unsure of what that meant for us, but I’ve known for some time now that without you there is no him.”

Theyre silent, Jaehyun is looking at Mark who is looking at Taeyong who is looking at Jaehyun.

“So that kiss the other night, you meant it?” Two short nods.

Mark stands, waiting for them to follow him into the living room. It’s still a mess from his previous night with Lucas.

“Did you both sleep here?” Taeyong asks, eyeing the blankets on the floor.

“Hmm?”

“You and your friend, the one from last night and this morning, did you both sleep here? Together?” Mark looks perplexed, he shoots Jaehyun a curious look, but he nods. “Yes, we both slept here last night.”

“Oh, hmm.” Taeyong provides no further commentary.

“Don’t mind him, he’s the jealous type.” Jaehyun leans in to whisper.

“I want this, want you—both of you but you’ve already built your relationship with each other. There’s no room for me here.” Mark sighs, he feels like he doesn’t belong. In those looks they share. The hands they hold. The kisses they share, it doesn’t feel like it’s for him.

Taeyong grabs his head, both hands on the side of his face, and turns him so that they’re facing each other, his lips are parted. “I understand how you feel. it was hard coming into yours and Jae’s relationship, you had a twelve-year head start with each other; you have looks that you share that make sense to you two but still leave me clueless and that’s okay. Because I know eventually, we’ll share looks that I’ll be able to understand. You’ve always been part of this relationship, whether we knew it or not, now all we gotta do is acknowledge it. Find a middle ground.”

Jaehyun steps up before Mark can reply and he’s in Taeyong’s place now, holding Marks head gently, like he’s a rare jewel. “Mark? That happiness you’ve always wanted for me, always made sure I had? I want that for you too, I want to be that for you. And, if Taeyong and I can bring you that happiness, that peace and love, then let us. I’ve loved you since I saw you sitting and talking with my parents the morning after our first sleepover. You looked so small sitting next to my dad, but you spoke so highly of me, of our friendship, my heart felt like it could burst. There was nothing I wanted more than someone I could call my own, that got along well with my parents, my parents love you. And I know your parents love me, they remind me anytime I call to check in on them, you are my family you gave me a second family. Stop pushing me away please, I love you. We,” He stops and pulls Taeyong close, “Love you! So, so much Mark.”

Mark sucks in a deep breath and then, he sobs. Just completely crumples in Jaehyun’s arms.

“I’ve been in love with you for so long, didn’t want to lose you. Was so scared, Jae.” Jaehyun folds Mark in his arms and hushes him gently. “Mark, baby, listen to me, you would’ve never lost me. We’re forever, remember? We’ve gained Taeyong, honey, we’re whole now.” Mark, with snot dribbling out of his nose, his face tear stained sucks in a deep breath. “We are, aren’t we?”

**Author's Note:**

> I worked on this piece for like 8+ months and just, kept getting writers block! I'm going on vacation and i dont know when i'll be able to upload so like, rip.


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